


The Certainty of Doubt

by khurst



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M, Post-Endgame, Prixin Prompt Comp, Prompt Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-05
Updated: 2018-02-08
Packaged: 2018-10-28 12:05:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10830921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/khurst/pseuds/khurst
Summary: Post-Endgame, Chakotay overhears a very interesting conversation...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my response to the Prixin Prompt Comp 2017.
> 
> I chose two prompts:
> 
> _“You always do this. You always try to be the one who loses, who sacrifices. I’d have waited the whole seventy years for you, if you’d asked me to.”_  
>  “I already asked so much of you. I couldn’t do that.”
> 
>  and
> 
> _“I’m fine.”_  
>  “You’re always fine! Just for once give me a real answer!”
> 
>  
> 
> Many, many thanks to my wonderful beta, Helen8462! Without her this would be a blubbering mess of repetitions and horrible grammar. She edited this on super short notice with an overwhelmingly helpful amount of suggestions. You are awesome, Helen!

Craning his neck and pulling the stifling collar, Chakotay rounded the corner just outside of the ballroom. In the absence of his company for this evening, and in an attempt to flee from any other potential dance partners, he was on his way outside trying to get some fresh air. Considering that they had been home for a couple of weeks now, he was astounded as to how little actual fresh air he had gotten in that time.

He had almost reached the large patio doors leading to the gardens behind the embassy, when he stopped dead in his tracks. He would recognize that voice anywhere, but it wasn’t just the voice itself that made him pause. The tone clearly told him that the speaker had no desire whatsoever to be part of the conversation. He thought he heard pieces of the conversation that sounded suspiciously like “intimate knowledge” and “selfish”.  He slowly moved further forward to see who she was talking to.

“Seven, this is clearly none of my business.”

“Captain, surely you can’t-”

“Seven,” Kathryn barked, the sharp tone indicated that no comeback was tolerated, “I do not wish to have any part in your liaison with Commander Chakotay. If you wish to gain intimate insight, you’ll have to get to know him yourself.”

Chakotay’s head had snapped up at Kathryn’s words. He finally dared to look around the corner just in time to see Kathryn resolutely turn away from Seven.  It was a clear signal that she was done with the conversation. Seven straightened her back and opened her mouth again, but then seemed to think better of it and stalked off.

Staying out of sight where he was, Chakotay watched Kathryn take a few steps further into the garden  Then she turned around and looked at the patio doors as if trying to decide if she should go back inside. She was clearly troubled and Chakotay almost laughed when she huffed, put her hands on her hips and flexed her jaw. He had seen the gesture often enough to know that Kathryn was bubbling with barely contained anger.

For a few second she just stood there and tapped her foot as if trying to decide what to do before she wrapped one of her arms around her midsection and lifted the other hand to her mouth. From his vantage point Chakotay couldn’t see her expression but for a few seconds she was still enough to make him wonder if she was even breathing.

When he was just about to step forward, she uncurled her arms, lowered her head, wiped her hands across her cheeks and used them to fan air into her face. Only when Kathryn lifted her head slightly and looked upwards, blinking rapidly, did Chakotay understand what she was doing. Whatever the conversation with Seven had been about, it had upset Kathryn enough to bring tears to her eyes and she was having trouble getting her emotions under control. Enough is enough, Chakotay decided and finally stepped towards Kathryn.

Just at that moment Kathryn turned and moved to go back inside, and - not noticing Chakotay - walked straight into him. She was startled and started to lose her balance, but Chakotay quickly grabbed her shoulders to steady her.

“Kathryn,” he began but when he heard laughter emanating from the patio doors he moved them to the side so they wouldn’t be in full view.

He stopped when they were hidden from plain sight, close by a gazebo. “Kathryn, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” she huffed and stepped away from him.  Then she straightened her dress and smoothed her hair back.

Chakotay let her take a breath and collect herself before he asked again. “You can tell me-” He tilted his head towards her- “what’s bothering you?”

“I’m fine, Chakotay.” The wavering of her voice and the darting of her eyes towards the ball room belied her words. “Can’t you just drop it?”

“No, for once I can’t.” He took a step closer. “You’re always fine, dammit! Just-“ he paused, closed his eyes and swallowed, then continued, his voice lower and softer,- "for once give me a real answer! You are clearly not fine and you obviously don’t want to go back inside. But I’m not leaving you here like this, so we can stand around in silence or you can just tell me what’s going on.”

The indecision was evident in every little detail of her posture. She balled her hands into fists and opened them again, moving her fingers nervously. Chakotay could clearly see her thoughts turning in her head by the way her jaw was tense and she moved her tongue against the inside of her teeth. But his gaze didn’t stray from her face. He would not leave her in this state.

“Dammit, why don’t you know when to stop, Chakotay?” She was angry and was trying desperately to move the conversation away from herself.

“I’ve known when to stop for seven years and maybe it’s time I push a little.” He took another step closer.

“I tried to be happy for you,” she finally blurted out. “I truly believed that I wanted to see you happy more than anything. And I do want you to be happy, but I can’t do this, Chakotay. Please don’t ask me to do this.” The words just rushed out of her mouth without her control.

“Do what?”

“Watch you be happy with someone else.”

“Why would I ask you to do that?” She didn’t grace him with a verbal reply, but gave him a glare that told him the answer should be obvious.

“Look Chakotay, I never truly expected you to wait forever, no matter what was implied. I had to let you go for both our sakes.”

Chakotay felt like she was talking in riddles. He was aware that she had distanced herself from him more and more towards the end of their journey and he had always assumed it was to protect herself. But now he was starting to believe she had also done it for him; so he would move on. Didn’t she know that he couldn’t do that even if he wanted to?

“I never wanted you to let me go.”

“But I had to. I couldn’t keep latching on to you and keep you from living your life.”

For a few moments Chakotay looked at Kathryn.  He observed as she lowered her gaze to her hands and picked imaginary dirt from under her fingernails - the exact same way she had done it on New Earth whenever she was nervous and avoided his gaze. Only then, it was real dirt.

Realization struck him. She thought of herself as a hurdle in his life, an object to be overcome so that he could be happy. He wondered just how long she had thought of him in this way.

He felt the anger swell up inside him. Anger at himself for not seeing the signs, for not noticing that she felt that way. Anger that their situation had not allowed them to be close enough to notice these things. But more than anything, anger at her for misjudging him, for forgetting his words. She was not an obstacle to be overcome. She was his peace and whether or not she had ever admitted her feelings for him, she brought him comfort and in her presence he had always felt his spirit safe. It made him angry that she saw herself this way, when he saw so much more in her.

“You always do this. You always try to be the one who loses, who sacrifices. I’d have waited the whole seventy years for you, if you’d asked me to.” Chakotay blurted the words out before he was able to stop himself.

Her head shot up and she frowned as she recognized the truth in his words. Her eyes searched his face as she realized that she had known this all along. Even when she wasn’t able to admit it to herself, a part of her had always known what kind of power she held over the man standing before her - who had signed his fate over to her and had laid his gentle heart into the palms of her hands so many years ago.

“I already asked so much of you. I couldn’t do that.”

“Maybe I wanted you to.”

“You want me to believe that you wanted me to ask you to wait for me, when I couldn’t give you anything? You’ll have to excuse me, but I find that hard to believe.”

There it was.

Her arms were crossed again. Eyebrow raised, head tilted slightly downward, she fixed on him with an unbelieving glare. Her hips were slightly jutted out. She was giving a perfect display of all her well-known signs indicating she had closed her mind to his arguments. There was no point in skirting around the true issue, no point in  avoiding crystal clear words any longer.

“Kathryn Janeway, you are the most stubborn woman I have ever met.” Chakotay exhaled heavily, then took a deep breath. “Consider just for a moment that I want to make you happy, will you? Bringing you joy makes me happy and even when you don’t show it - for whatever reason - I know that you appreciate it.”

“You can’t possibly…” she started but was interrupted.

“Dammit Kathryn,” he threw up his hands in exasperation, “I’m just trying to love you, in any kind of way that I can; in any way you’ll let me. Why is that so hard to accept?”

Pleased, Chakotay noticed that his outburst had done the trick. Kathryn Janeway didn’t have a comeback for him. For the first time since he had met her, she was at a loss for words.  He saw her struggling for an appropriate response - for any response, but he wouldn’t give her the chance.

“I’m trying to tell you that I love you. For seven years you didn’t allow yourself to hear it, but I’m saying it now: I love you, Kathryn Janeway!”

“But you married her!” It came out louder than she meant to and a startled Kathryn looked around to see if anyone was close by. When she looked back at Chakotay his mouth hung slightly open.

“Married whom?”

“Seven,” she shook her head and frowned, obviously he should know this. “You married Seven.”

“Why the hell would I marry Seven? And wait, what do you mean ‘married’? I’m….what are you even talking about?” This conversation had just taken a very confusing turn.

“I know you’ve been dating. The admiral told me.” Kathryn rolled her eyes, obviously annoyed that he didn’t get it.

“I was NOT dating SEVEN!” Chakotay felt his anger rise again. Why on Earth would the Admiral say something like that? “I was helping her practice her damned lessons.”

“Then why would she come to me for advice on your relationship?” Kathryn’s look spoke volumes. She didn’t believe him. And why would she when it was her own future self who had told her a different story?

“Because I rejected her.” It finally dawned on him. “The moment I realized she was serious and the lessons meant more to her than just practice, I broke it off.”

“You did?” Kathryn no longer tried to hide her surprise. “Then why would she need my intimate knowledge of you?”

The pieces finally dropped into place and Chakotay could make sense of the snippets of conversation he had overheard earlier. Seven had assumed Kathryn’s intimate knowledge of him could be used to her own advantage, to convince him that a relationship could work.

“Seven told me that I couldn’t possibly know that I wouldn’t grow to love her.  So, I let her know I was already in love with someone else.”

“Oh…”  

Kathryn realized that Seven must have thought that by acquiring the same knowledge of Chakotay that Kathryn had the young woman could make him love her instead of Kathryn. It was a very immature approach, but also typically Seven. Kathryn had to smile at former drone’s logic, but when she looked at him again, he was everything but amused.

“You would have let me walk away with Seven?” His face showed the disbelief and anger.

“What did you expect me to do?” Kathryn defended herself. “For all I knew you were walking off into a perfect future now that we are home.”

“And it was impossible for you to swallow your damn pride for once and be honest with me? To think of yourself for a moment?” Chakotay was trying not to let his anger show but she was making it incredibly difficult. “Dammit Kathryn, did you forget everything? I made you a promise and I didn’t make it lightly. I meant it.”

“I pushed you away for seven years. I made you accept MY parameters and limits for such a long time, how could I jeopardize your happiness for a moment of indulgence?”

“Enough with your senseless and selfish self-sacrificing. Can’t you just consider for a second that maybe my happiness is tangled up with yours? That maybe YOU make me happy? That I WANT you to make me happy?”

“But the Admiral…”

“KATHRYN,” Chakotay almost lost it when she mentioned her older self again. “enough with the Admiral already. Did she even say I would be happy with Seven? In all the things she told you, did she ever even remotely mention that I was happy with my choices in her timeline?”

Kathryn didn’t reply. Come to think of it, the Admiral had mentioned no one’s happiness. All she ever talked about was death and unhappiness, all the horrible events and how they had destroyed their little family. No, she had not said Chakotay was happy. And Kathryn had never considered that maybe there was not a single thing about her timeline that the Admiral would have even wanted to preserve.

All of a sudden Kathryn became aware of just how close Chakotay was to her and when he moved even closer, she tried to take another step back, but was stopped by the feel of one of the gazebo’s pillars against her back. Her eyes jumped to his chest and back up to his eyes. Despite her inherent desire to flee - to get away from the intimate moment before she could say or do something that she would regret later - Kathryn found that she couldn’t move.

Without her noticing, Chakotay had inched closer and closer into her personal space. When she finally realized just how close he had gotten, she was cornered - trapped through her own making - in more ways than one.

The ferality in his eyes paralyzed her and although his fierce body towered well above her, she knew he would let her go if she pushed him.  But she found that, for once, she didn’t want to be the one if control.

Chakotay was right. It had been a selfish decision to uphold her parameters. She had made that decision because she knew **she** needed it. But now that they were home there was no more reason to hang on to those invisible lines she had drawn. She had sacrificed Kathryn for seven long years in favor of Captain Janeway. She was free to take a leap of faith and cross the boundaries she had set for both of them.

Looking at Chakotay now made her realize that they had become such integral part of one another that she had unwittingly sacrificed huge chunks of him along with herself - because she had needed her First Officer and friend. It had been selfish and not once had she stopped to ask if he was even willing to make those sacrifices. Not once had she considered that it wasn’t her right to make those decisions for him. Until he had taken himself out of her carefully calculated equations.

“It was so easy to rationalize my decisions out there and holding on to the voice of reason was what kept me going.  It kept me sane. But here…back home, I’m…” she trailed off and just stared past him into the distance.

Kathryn felt a tear roll down her cheek but found that she didn’t care enough to wipe it away. She felt foolish. After all the years of striving and finally achieving her one and only goal, she had felt no sense of accomplishment. Instead she was utterly lonely and displaced. She had just closed her eyes when she felt his warm hand slide under hers and his finger interlace with hers, fitting themselves into the old familiar place they had been forced to vacate for too long..

“You’re not alone, Kathryn.”

She almost snorted at the laugh that tried to escape her. After all this time, he still he knew her. After all this time, he was still with her. And after all this time, it was more than she had dared hope for.

With the look of utter devotion in his features she wanted nothing more than to lean in and kiss him. But she didn’t dare tempt fate and ask for more than what he would give.

“So, I’m going to use my intimate knowledge of you to my advantage now,” Chakotay said in a low voice as he saw her eyes drop to his lips, “and just assume that this is okay.”

And with that he closed the distance between them and pressed his lips against hers.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the long wait. I finally, finally finished this - okay, to be honest, it's been sitting on my hard drive for weeks now, but I finally looked it over and decided to post it as it is.
> 
> This chapter has not seen a beta, so any and all mistakes are mine and mine alone. Feel free to PM me if anything sticks out so much you can hardly stand to look at it (or lesser evils, I don't mind. God knows, I need work this over anyway.)
> 
> Also, this chapter ups the rating. ;)

Chakotay reached his free hand towards her and when he made contact with her hip, the touch was scalding even through the material of her dress. She sucked in her breath and when his lips touched hers they were warm and soft, curiously at odds with the strength of his grip on her hips. He trailed the tip of his tongue along her upper lip requesting entrance and Kathryn gasped and parted her lips. He deepened the kiss sliding his tongue inside her mouth and along her palate, eliciting a low moan from her.

Kathryn melted against him and her hands curled into his shirt pulling him flush against her. Chakotay growled at the full-body contact and the sound rumbled through his chest, the vibrations causing her nipples to harden against him. Involuntarily his pelvis rocked against her and Kathryn broke the kiss when she gasped for air. She could clearly feel him hard and insistent against her lower belly and the feeling of his hand slowly bunching up her dress as it moved higher and higher on her thigh did nothing to quench the spiraling heat in her groin.

His free hand ran restlessly up and down her side settling at last on her hip and dragging it forward. Instinctively she lifted her knee and pressed the inside of her thigh against his flank, urging him on. He made a guttural sound in the back of his throat and slid his hand into the crook of her raised knee.

It wasn’t long before Chakotay’s thumb pushed beneath the edge of her panties and Kathryn urged her leg higher around his waist, opening herself up to his questing hands in an attempt to fit more tightly against him. One of her heels sank into the soft ground, causing her to lose her balance and clutch him harder to keep from falling sideways, dragging him even closer in the process and crushing his torso against hers.

Her mouth was rough and urgent against his and suddenly his entire length was crushing her against the pillar, his legs crowding against hers. His shoes pushed against her high heels, impatiently pushing them further apart. Kathryn slid her palms across his shirt-clad front and around his back under his satin-lined jacket, finding every inch of him taut and aroused. Suddenly the sharp thrust of his hips against her center became the sole focus of her spinning universe. He kept her hard against the pillar and the smothering heat enveloped her as his lips moved from her insistent mouth to her jaw, her throat and the soft, freckled curve of her breast above the hemline of her dress. His thick hair brushed the underside of her chin as he bent to her body and Kathryn couldn’t help the moan that escaped her when she felt his tongue seemed travel the full expanse of her cleavage, nipping lightly under the hemline every now and then.

Chakotay pulled the crotch of her panties to the side and swept his fingers through her abundant wetness. He found her clit with incredible precision and between the circling motion of his middle finger against her bundle of nerves, the thrusting of his pelvis against hers and the feeling of his mouth sucking at the tender skin of her neck, Kathryn quickly felt herself spiraling out of control, her fingernails digging into his back even through his shirt.

She felt him start to pull the side of her panties down, but her lust-clouded brain was impatient and she swatted his hand aside, grasped his manhood and guided it towards her opening. She let out a rather ungraceful grunt, gently squeezed him and pressed her thigh against his side again.

And suddenly it all happened at once.

Chakotay entered her in a single thrust and groaned “Oh God” at her tight heat surrounding him in stark contrast with the cool night air.

At the very same moment Kathryn saw a figure round the corner of the bushes and step directly into her line of vision, the eyes of the blonde Lieutenant opening in shock and embarrassment.

Kathryn stiffened and half-yelped, half-moaned a loud “Oh shit”, causing Chakotay to look up into her horror-filled face.

For a split second all three figures froze. Kathryn’s thoughts raced as her mind showed her how exactly she must look to the young man who had stumbled upon them. Dress bunched up around her waist, one of her high-heeled legs around Chakotay’s hip, his hand holding her open to him while his pants lay around his ankles as he thrust into her just when they came into the young man’s view.

Not knowing what was happening behind his back, Chakotay immediately felt himself go limp, thinking with horror that he must have missed a sign that Kathryn did not want this after all. He was about to step back and apologize, but Kathryn’s grip on his shoulder tightened, holding him in place and then he heard movement behind him, letting him know they were busted.

“Oh fuck,” Tom exclaimed in shock while harshly turning away from them.

“I was trying to…” Kathryn heard Chakotay groan into the tender skin he had previously sucked on. She clutched his shoulders, trying to get her own breathing under control and suppress the shiver that went down her spine at the feeling of Chakotay’s breath against her neck.

“B’E is going to kill me…” Tom argued with himself, palm of his hand against his forehead, while obviously undecided if he should talk to them or run back inside and leave them alone.

“Lieutenant Paris,” Kathryn mustered her best command tone, causing Tom to turn towards her, then remembering their situation, swiveling just as quickly back around, “You were never here and you never saw any of this.”

“Saw what?” Tom quipped as he finally walked away, wishing like hell he could tell B’Elanna or Harry. Maybe in due time they could laugh about it.

He thought he heard Chakotay mutter a quiet “Exactly” but didn’t dare turn back to make sure.

“I’m sorry,” Chakotay felt himself lose the excitement of the moment and begin to slip out of her, so he reached down and adjusted himself.

“Don’t be,” Kathryn used the moment to rearrange her own clothing and make herself more presentable. “This was a bad idea anyway.”

At Chakotay’s stricken expression and his starting to back away from her, Kathryn realized how her words must have sounded to him.

“Not this,” she quickly explained, gesturing wildly between them. “This. Doing this **here**.”

She exhaled a heavy sigh, already trying to figure out how they were going to face Tom after what he just witnessed.

“Look,” she started, taking Chakotay’s hand reassuringly into her own. “Give me a few minutes to deal with Tom and say goodnight and then you can take me home, alright?”

Kathryn could clearly see that it took him a few seconds to catch up with her, but when the words registered he gave her a cheeky grin. “I could use a few minutes to breathe,” he agreed, still hung up on her promise of letting him take her home.

Kathryn gave her dress a once-over and squeezed Chakotay’s hand before letting go and going back inside.

Chakotay’s eyes followed Kathryn as she gracefully walked back through the gardens and disappeared inside before he sat down on the steps of the gazebo. He took a deep breath and looked up to the stars that had so long ago conspired to deliver him straight into Kathryn Janeway’s hands and life. He closed his eyes and spoke a silent prayer to his ancestors, then followed Kathryn inside.

When he stepped through the doors of the ballroom Chakotay’s eyes immediately scanned the room and quickly settled on Kathryn. The sight mesmerized him. While she was talking to Tom and B’Elanna, she held little Miral against her chest, gently swaying from side to side to keep the baby calm. She had one hand at the infant’s bottom, holding her securely up against her shoulder, and the other hand was lightly tapping the baby’s back, while Miral’s tiny face was crunched against the crook of Kathryn’s neck, her little mouth searching for something to latch on to. Every once in a while she would start sucking at the tender skin, causing Kathryn to smile and crane her neck to look at the precious bundle in her arms.

Chakotay was rooted to the spot as he watched the vision before him and he felt something shift inside of him, a pull he had not felt in years. When his eyes wandered from Miral back up to Kathryn’s face he saw that she was watching him from across the room.

Without breaking eye contact, Chakotay swiftly made his way across the room. The blush that slowly crept up Kathryn’s neck didn’t go unnoticed and by the time he reached her and laid his hand on the small of her back, her cheeks were tinged a bright pink.

“Are you ready?” Chakotay leaned in close as to not startle the infant in Kathryn’s arms and received a hushed “Yes.” in reply.

B’Elanna had noticed Kathryn’s sudden shift in focus and had been about to say something when she felt a sharp pinch in her side. Suppressing a gasp, she frowned and looked straight at her husband who, with a cheeky grin on his face, gave her a subtle shake of his head. Going with it, B’Elanna watched the scene in front of her unfold with a curious look. At the decidedly rather charged exchange between their commanding officers, B’Elanna gave Tom a questioning look and whispered as low as she could and still be audible to her husband, “What did I miss?”

“Nothing that was meant to be shared.” Kathryn responded, giving Tom a sharp look while carefully extricating the sleeping infant’s hand from her hair and handing her back to her mother.

Kathryn’s finger gently caressed the baby’s cheek before she stepped back into Chakotay and took in B’Elanna’s curious glance jumping between all of them obviously having picked up something. She knew that Tom wouldn’t say anything but she hated causing a quarrel between the couple.

“You may tell her, but this goes no further, is that understood?” At Tom’s meek nod, Kathryn turned and took Chakotay’s lead, but then stopped short and remembered something. “And no unnecessary details!”

Chakotay tried to suppress his grin when B’Elanna narrowed her eyes at him, but failed miserably and instead opted for a smirk and a suggestive wiggle of his eyebrows. When Tom didn’t fail to react with a flat out guffaw, Kathryn rammed her elbow into his side and gave him the best glare she could muster without breaking into laughter herself.

“Come on, Commander,” she lowered her voice dangerously, “We have things to do.”

Kathryn didn’t let go of Chakotay’s hand on their short walk to the transporter station and the tingle that spread through their bodies was only intensified by the transport. By the time they stood outside of Kathryn’s door, Chakotay felt like the silly grin had been permanently edged into his face, but there was nothing he could do against it - not that he tried - as he went inside after her, followed suit when she took off her shoes and walked up her stairs behind her. It was only when they stepped into her bedroom, she ordered low lights and finally turned around to him that the grin was wiped off his face and replaced with a wide and curious expression of wonder and amazement as the woman he had longed for for almost a decade stood before him, radiating a softness he couldn’t remember ever seeing in her.

Tn the sudden quiet intimacy of her bedroom, their eyes took each other in and neither one of them made any move to touch the other.

Suddenly they felt all the urgency of before had evaporated and left a tingling nervousness in its wake. Here they were with no more excuses keeping them apart and all of a sudden it was as terrifying as it was exhilarating. When the door fell closed behind them Kathryn felt herself struggling to keep the flutter in her stomach from becoming full-blown nausea and she felt at a loss of where to look. But in the end all it took was the touch of Chakotay’s warm hand and the same nervousness she felt mirrored in his eyes, to make her expel a sigh of relief and a small chuckle.

Who would have thought that after everything, this would be what terrified them?

And then she dove in. She wound her hand around his neck and pulled him down to her, pressing her lips against his, and her whole body flush against him. Best to not think about it and just do it.

They had been at this point not even an hour earlier, but having his lips pressed against hers, feeling his body against hers, still felt new. It felt new and delicious and raw and she couldn’t get enough of this incredible feeling.

Chakotay slowly eased out of the kiss, returning his lips to hers a couple of times before leaning away from Kathryn. He lifted his hand to her neck and trailed his fingers down the slender curve. Kathryn shivered and closed her eyes at his tender ministrations, slightly leaning her head to the side to reveal more of her neck. Chakotay took the strap of her dress with him on the way and slid it off her shoulder as his fingers trailed a path down her arm to her elbow and back up. He caressed along her clavicles, pausing and dipping a little lower along the neckline of her dress to cherish the cluster of freckles on her chest. He lowered the other strap and guided her arms out of them, letting the dress and his hands rest on her hips for the moment.

“Kathryn,” he whispered reverently. “Look at me.”

He waited for her to open her eyes and look at him before moving his hands up her side, cupping her breasts and leaning in for another kiss.

“You’re beautiful.” He repeated it like a mantra between the kisses her showered from her mouth, along her jawline and down her neck.

The refusal was immediately on her tongue, but she bit her lip to keep from saying it. She had seen the look in his eyes and knew that he meant it. Why would she argue about this anyway? For too long she had forbidden him to speak his mind in this regard and herself to acknowledge what he wasn’t allowed to say.

Instead she concentrated on the feelings his hands and his mouth were invoking in her. As his tongue trailed along her upper chest she threw her head back and steadied herself on his shoulders, his hands moved down to her hip and hooking his fingers under the waistband of her panties, pushed her dress and her underwear over the curve and let the clothing fall down her legs. He moved backwards and urged her to walk with him as he navigated them towards the bed.

Kathryn used the break to divest him of his shirt and open the clasp on his pants, eliciting a gasp from him as she let her hand wander over the prominent bulge. She watched enraptured as his eyes closed in concentration and his tongue came out to wet his lips. When the back of his legs hit the bed, she pulled his pants and boxers down and made him sit back so she could pull them off his legs altogether.

Chakotay shifted backwards onto the bed and urged Kathryn to follow him. When his back met with the headboard he leaned against it and watched Kathryn crawl towards him her auburn locks swinging in tandem with her breasts. He was mesmerized and didn’t even realize that his hand was reaching out to her.

A little self-conscious Kathryn had followed Chakotay onto the bed her eyes fixed on his. She saw his hand reach towards her and tried to quell her slight disappointment when it was her hair he was reaching for. He was still contemplating the single strand between his fingers when Kathryn stopped moving, knees touching the outer sides of his thighs. Chakotay looked back at her, her hair still in his hand and they both remembered a time when it had ignited a different kind of fire. Chakotay felt his need flare up with Kathryn hovering over him, her center not quite touching him but close enough so he could feel her warmth.

He brushed the lock back behind her ear and let his hand linger against her neck, his fingers trailing tiny circles against the sensitive skin. His other hand made contact with her hip again, eliciting a tiny gasp from her as he urged her forward to sit on his thighs.

Kathryn noticed his sharp intake of breath as she lowered herself, her center finally making contact with his heated skin. She steadied herself with one hand against his abdomen and let her other one trail over his tattoo, along the strong line of his jaw, lightly grasping his chin and leaning forward to press her lips gently against his. It was an innocent kiss and she only lingered for a few seconds before she leaned back again and moved her hand to his neck and over his shoulder, down along his arm, her fingertips trailing his palm and the inside of his wrist.

She lingered over his abdomen, feeling his muscles ripple under her gentle touch as he fought to keep himself in check, then laid her hand on his chest and closed her eyes with a smile when she felt the accelerated thrum of his heart.

“You’re magnificent.” It came out as a single breath. An exclamation that had fought to be free and heard.

She gasped and slightly bent her spine towards him with a shiver when she felt his hand on her hip trailing a path from her outer thigh towards the hand that she still held on his abdomen. Much in the same manner as she had done, he moved his palm along her arm and up to her shoulder. Kathryn’s mouth slightly opened when only the tips of his fingers trailed a path along her left clavicle, dipped into the hollow at her neck and continued on to her right clavicle. She fixed him with her eyes as he moved his fingers back over her chest, dipping lower this time, yet not quite low enough.

At the small growl in the back of her throat, Chakotay looked up at her and grinned as he let his hand finally, finally cup her breast. He watched her eyes fall closed and her mouth drop open as he cradled the weight of her breast in his palm and let his thumb move back and forth over her erect nipple. The thumb of his other hand mirrored the movement in the small dip where her thigh met her belly and was rewarded with a tiny sway of her pelvis towards him.

He grinned and she leaned forward to press her lips against him. His mouth was warm and gentle under hers and he tasted like salt and honey. Kathryn let her hand wander between them and gently wrapped her hand around his throbbing erection. She felt him jerk towards her and moved her thumb over the soft head, spreading the few drops that had leaked at her closeness. She angled her hips and guided him to slide between her folds, teasing her own clit in passing.

Chakotay had to break off their kiss with a gasp and leaned his head forward to look at them, watch her teasing herself with his manhood. It took all his willpower not to grasp her hips and thrust up into her, but his patience was rewarded when only a few moments later Kathryn shifted slightly forward, situation herself directly over him and slid just his head into her wet heat. They both moaned at the contact and Chakotay forced his eyes open to look at her as she slowly lowered herself onto him fully.

When Chakotay was fully sheathed inside her, Kathryn stopped moving, cherishing the way he stretched her and throbbed inside her.

“You feel incredible,” she breathed.

“You feel like home,” he replied and leaned forward to press their lips together, as if trying to seal his statement.

“Welcome home,” she whispered against his lips and tightened around him.

They lost themselves in a searing kiss as they started to move. Chakotay slid both hands up her thighs and around to grasp her buttocks, as she rolled her hips, brushing her clit against him with every move. When they came up for air, Chakotay moved his lips along her jaw and down her neck and his tongue sneaking out to dip into the hollow at the base of her throat and lick along her clavicle. He rested his open mouth in the crook of her neck and started to gently suck her skin, alternating between sucking and easing the sting with his tongue.

He became heavily aware of Kathryn’s whimpers against his ear and her rocking against him turning more and more frantic. Unable to counter her thrusts in this position he held her tightly to him as he turned them around without breaking their connection. He looked down as Kathryn’s head hit the pillow, her eyes glazed with passion and experimentally thrust into her in one long stroke.

“Yes,” she groaned throatily at the deeper penetration and pressed her hips up into his in response.

Chakotay leaned his upper body over her, his lips finding her nipple, steadying himself on one arm, and reached for her thigh, slipping his hand into the hollow of her knee pulling it up and against his hip. Kathryn graceless sound from somewhere deep in her throat at the different angle and dug her nails into the skin of his back. She met him thrust for thrust, matching his speed, but his slow pace drove her crazy.

“More,” she rasped loudly and pressed her knee against his hip to urge him on, wanting him to hold nothing back.

Chakotay released her breast and arched up to ground his pelvis against her faster and faster. His hand left her leg and snuck between them to find her clit. Kathryn pulled both knees towards her as he pressed his hand between them, his knuckles against her center, thrumming against her in tandem with his pounding. Her body gripped him and her whimpers turned into loud moans as she neared her climax, her thighs trembling uncontrollably. Chakotay lifted his head and concentrated on her face, watching her mouth open in a silent scream and her nose scrunch up in concentration as she went rigid, her hands searching for something to cling to on the sheets, taking the material in a death grip that turned her fingers white.

He slowed his movements and waited for Kathryn to open her eyes before he picked his speed back up. She emitted a loud sigh and slumped back against the sheets as her body finally released her from her high. The tension gone she relaxed against the sheets and watched the primal expression in Chakotay’s face, her hands now gently caressing up and down his arms as he strained towards his own peak.

She focused on his eyes until they found hers and held her gaze. Then she laid both hands against the side of his head, right below his ears, and pulled him down to her until their foreheads touched.

“I love you.” She pronounced the word loud and clear, unmistakable, to penetrate the hazy fog of lust, and felt his rhythm falter as he jerked against her and with a final thrust emptied himself inside her.

She wound her arms around his shoulders and pulled him down, cradling his head in the crook of her neck as he struggled for breath, his chest heaving against her, puffs of air hitting the sensitive skin of her neck, causing her to shudder. Kathryn waited until she felt his heartbeat calm down and his body stopped trembling before she pressed her lips against his ear and repeated the words. She felt a shudder run through him and leaned back to look at his face. Her fingers traced the lines of his tattoo and along his temple, over the rim of his ear and down to his neck. Her thumb ran over his jaw as her eyes roamed over his beautiful face, relaxed and content, the tug at the corner of his mouth causing a tug in the pit of her belly, even now.

She felt him slip out of her and he rolled to the side, taking his weight off of her. He mirrored the movement of her hand and hooked his leg over hers as his thumb traced her jaw and over her lips.

“I love you.” He inched closer to her when he felt her shiver.

“I want you to be happy,” she said, her eyes misting over, and when she saw his eyes open in argument, she quickly continued, “I want to make you happy.”

“And I want to make you happy. Your happiness means everything to me, Kathryn.”

“How about we try something new then?” She paused when he tugged the blanket up to cover them, protecting them against the cold and cocooning them in their shared warmth. “I’ve heard of this nice concept that seems to work for people.”

“I’m listening.” He grinned, his dimples showing in full glory.

“We could try being happy together.” She said it as if it was the most ludicrous idea she had ever heard and the joy in her face was infectious. Chakotay couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Sounds perfect to me,” he whispered against her lips as he leaned in for another kiss, pulling her close enough to have their bodies touch from chest to toes. “Let’s do it.”


End file.
